So, those of you who have read this blog with any degree of thoroughness know what side of the fence I usually come down on politically. And while my opinions have softened as of late, there are still some things that I still very much agree with. So it might come as a surprise to hear that when I saw this particular discussion on someone’s Facebook, I found myself filled with a violent urge to defend Obama. Yeah, weird, isn’t it? It’s not so much that my opinions of him have changed (though now I’m no longer paranoid about him seizing control of the government and rewriting the Constitution or anything. You’d have to be on drugs to buy into that paranoia; I was.), it’s just that what this kid was saying was just so blatantly wrong, misinformed, and self-contradictory that I just couldn’t leave it alone.

So here we go. So that this kid can show his face somewhere in the next 10 years, I’ll leave his name out of it; it wouldn’t matter since no one’s ever heard of him anyway and no one ever will. Here’s the first part that caught my eye.

“Actually there is still a lot of opposition to Osama, or sorry OBAMA’s health plan. He is not just a socialist, he is a full-blown Marxist. Look at his voting record on the internet.”

Oooh boy. Three sentences to piss me off, and three paragraphs, at least, needed to respond. Here we go, kiddies.

“Actually there is still a lot of opposition to Osama, or sorry OBAMA’s health plan.”
Wow. How clever of you. You changed the letter “b” to the letter “s”. That must have taken you days to come up with. I’d probably be more impressed if I hadn’t been hearing that one since 2008. Come on, I don’t think even I ever resorted to that. Not only is it uninventive and uninspired, it makes you sound like the 4 year old you are and completely undermines any shred of legitimacy your argument may have potentially held. Here’s a clue: when you start off with childish insults, it makes you sound like a child; and no one cares what a little kid has to say about politics.

“He is not just a socialist, he is a full-blown Marxist.”
Oooooh boy… There’s so much wrongness packed into this it’s hard to say where to begin. To make a statement like this, you have to a.) Not know what Obama’s policies (or the policies of the Democratic party) are, or b.) not know what a Marxist is. Edumacation time, kiddos. In general, Obama and the Democratic party favor stricter government control and regulation of businesses; in other words, more government involvement. Marxism, by definition, calls for not only less government involvement but the abolition of government altogether. It is an anarchist system besed off of the idea that if left to their own devices, people will do the right thing without outside incentive or being told to do it by a higher body. If Obama was a Marxist, he would want less government intervention, less regulation, and less involvement in the economy in general. In fact, Marxist ideals tend to align better with Republicans, as they usually seek less regulation and are more willing to let people do whatever they want economically.

It’s kind of like saying cheddar cheese is a type carrot; if you know anything about either of those things, it just doesn’t make any sense.

“Look at his voting record on the internet.”
You can find literally anything on the Internet that says anything. I can find stuff that says Hitler, Stalin, George Bush, and Obama all were/are possessed by Satan. I can find all kinds of stuff to say that the Holocaust never happened. Hell, I could make a website devoted to explaining that cheddar cheese is a carrot; that doesn’t make it credible, true, logical, or applicable to any sort of argument. Also, before anyone asks, no, I don’t know where on the Internet this kid is getting this because he conveniently forgot to mention a source for that. Huh. It’s almost like he got that information from somewhere that would be laughed at in any adult discussion.

There’s some more stupid stuff that I’ll just skip over just now. Calling for Obama to resign, insulting him, etc. You know, the kinds of things children do. Then we get to the next stream of piss from this guy’s mouth/keyboard.

He has said that he is willing to be a one-term president to accomplish his goals. I’m not sure if he publicly stated what his goal was, but I can tell you this: if you watch Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity; you will have a good idea on what Obama’s up to! He has communists and socialists in his cabinet and Executive office (Van Jones for example), and has surround himself with radicals from the 1960s (Bill Ayers). Great president, eh? No. Bush didn’t cause the economic melt down we are causing, years of Liberal and Progressive policies have. Obama is going as far as he can and is probably the most radical president we have had since Woodrow Wilson.

Wow……just amazing. Where to begin? I guess at the start…
“He has said that he is willing to be a one-term president to accomplish his goals.”
Aaaand your problem with this is what, exactly? I would think that someone like this kid would be ecstatic at the idea of Obama being gone in 2012.

“I’m not sure if he publicly stated what his goal was…”. Research. Do it. It’s one of the things grown-ups tend to do before forming an opinion. “…but I can tell you this: if you watch Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity; you will have a good idea on what Obama’s up to!” Kicking puppies? Eating aborted babies? Honestly, the things Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity say about Obama and the entire Democratic party are just so absurdly overblown that they hold no credibility in an actual discussion. It is like citing Goebbels speeches, writings, and films as legitimate arguments. It is pure propaganda and insanity and not legitimate.

And yes, I did just compare Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity to Joseph Goebbels. To be fair, I could point out some people on the other side of the fence who are just as insane and blind, but that’s not what I’m here for today.

“He has communists and socialists in his cabinet and Executive office (Van Jones for example), and has surround himself with radicals from the 1960s (Bill Ayers).”
I’m not sure where to begin with this. While I’m pretty sure that his cabinet is, in fact, not full of communists and socialists, I don’t actually know anything about Obama’s cabinet (I doubt this child does either), so I’ll pretend for the sake of argument that this is true. What’s your point? Lincoln filled his cabinet with people he disagreed with because he liked having people who would actually argue with him. Believe it or not (and I’m sure this kid will go with not), some people of advanced intelligence actually don’t like to just be agreed with constantly. Some people like to actually think about things, and having someone around to disagree with you can actually make you reconsider things you always just assumed were correct. Trust me on this. Gina and I disagree on a lot of things, politically speaking, and that’s helped me to think about things more evenly and fairly. So I don’t care if he had a neo-Nazi in his cabinet. Cabinet members have no power other than to discuss things with the President. They get no votes in anything and their only power lies in convincing the president that they’re correct. Now, if Obama is a communist or socialist or Marxist or whatever you’re claiming he is now, then he already shares those opinions, so having those sorts of people in his cabinet means nothing.

“Great president, eh? No.” No, not great; but certainly not some fetus-eating Marxist like you would apparently have me believe.

“Bush didn’t cause the economic melt down we are causing, years of Liberal and Progressive policies have.” I’m not sure when George W. Bush got involved in this discussion, but whatever. No one thing caused the current recession; and no one group of policies were responsible for it. It’s a combination of a lot of things. The Democratic push to raise the minimum wage was just as detrimental the Republican efforts at deregulation. Something like this doesn’t happen just because of one person or one action, or even one set of policies. Both parties are equally at fault for it, and both need to work together to fix things.

“Obama is going as far as he can and is probably the most radical president we have had since Woodrow Wilson.” Really? More radical than F. D. R. who pushed a huge RESET button on the economy? I can’t even begin to list the changes Roosevelt made and how radical they were. And what about Regan, who completely based his policies around the destruction of the Soviet Union? Both made massive shifts in the way America was run, and in the way we thought about a great many things. Roosevelt and Regan changed the way the game was played. They changed the whole country so profoundly that we now accept their changes as standard; they don’t seem radical anymore. Nothing Obama has ever suggested has been anywhere near that radical.

This was the point at which Molly the Parrot got involved. Yes, that’s right, up until now this child was just kind of talking to himself while equally stupid friends nodded in agreement. And then he started arguing.

With a parrot.

Here’s what Molly said:

LOL……. Wow, you guys are puppets. I almost feel bad that I don’t have to pay to watch you dance.

And so we get this response. Brace yourselves for the mind-twisting absurdity here.

I’m not the puppet: YOU are the puppet. I really don’t see why you people these days don’t want to work for a freaking living. Life is not a free ride. You have to work on your own to get up in society. Capitalism is a much better and a much more successful system if done right. As Glenn said in his brilliant “Arguing with Idiots”, “Capitalism hasn’t failed, greed has failed.”

Whew. This kid never gives me a shortage of ammunition, does he? Let’s dive back in, shall we? Everyone take a deep breath now…

“I’m not the puppet: YOU are the puppet.”
I’m a bit torn here. Do I want to give a simple, snarky, sarcastic remark or a long-winded, snarky, sarcastic remark? I think I’ll do both.

1.)“I’m not the puppet: YOU are the puppet.”
Clever.

2.)“I’m not the puppet: YOU are the puppet.”
Wow. That’s like, the greatest comeback ever. That even tops “I know you are but what am I?” Truly, you, sir, are a master of wit. I mean, WOW! I could NEVER in a bajillion years have come up with something that brain-blastingly clever and insightful. Wow… Just… It’s amazing! That’s the most profoundly brilliant comeback I have EVER heard. There’s no coming back from that. Clearly you must be right about everything. I bow to you.

You can choose whichever of those you think is funniest. Moving on…

“I really don’t see why you people these days don’t want to work for a freaking living. Life is not a free ride. You have to work on your own to get up in society. “
Okay…now, the important thing to keep in mind here is that either a.) this child thinks he is arguing with a parrot or b.)he’s arguing with a stranger (who isn’t a parrot). Either way, that raises several questions.
1.) What leads him to believe that Molly the Parrot doesn’t have a job? If she’s actually a parrot, why would he expect her to have one? And if he doesn’t know who she is, what makes him think that she doesn’t have a job?
2.) Does he have a job? Is he, to paraphrase, ‘working on his own to get up in society’? I sincerely doubt it. At best, I’d guess that this kid is working a minimum wage job, probably part time, just to support his Red Bull habit and some pocket money to buy the new version of Madden whenever that comes out (here’s a hint, though: that game hasn’t changed since 2003). And that’s being generous. More likely, mommy and daddy are still giving this kid a weekly allowance, buying him whatever he wants/needs. He probably doesn’t wash his own clothes.

So what we have here is someone who 1.) knows nothing about who he is talking to but has assumed that they don’t have a job and expect everything handed to them, 2.) expects everything to be handed to him even though he insists people have to work for it and 3.) is making this comment without any prompting whatsoever. What you saw was all Molly had to say to him. This bit just came out of nowhere.

“Capitalism is a much better and a much more successful system if done right. “
It is a much better system than what, exactly? I don’t hear anyone here arguing in favor of another system or against Capitalism. All I saw was a parrot calling you puppets. This, again, just comes out of nowhere. It’s like someone pulled a string on this kid’s back that makes him say unconnected phrases. I bet next he’ll tell us all that there’s a snake in his boot.

“As Glenn said in his brilliant “Arguing with Idiots”, “Capitalism hasn’t failed, greed has failed.”
I’m not surprised that Glenn Beck knows a lot about arguing with idiots. Who else could he get to listen to him?

Yay, we get to a new paragraph. Hopefully at least these sentences are connected to each other. Another deep breath, kiddes, I’ve got the feeling we’ll be down for a while this time.

Capitalism was chosen by the Founding Fathers so that people could better themselves. Capitalism is a system that was only endorsed by the Founders, but also the Bible. What I am saying is that Conservatives and Libertarians must rise and oppose the Obama Administration and the Liberal and Progressive politicians in Congress. The Socialist and Communist systems never work and it has been proven so. They might fly well for a while but eventually they will have their downfall. Look at the Soviet Union, or Cuba, or China. This is where America is going.

“Capitalism was chosen by the Founding Fathers so that people could better themselves. “
Yeah…The founding fathers also said “Slavery’s alright, we’ve got bigger problems.” So their opinion in and of itself is not a valid argument.

“Capitalism is a system that was only endorsed by the Founders, but also the Bible.”
Really? Let’s ignore, for argument’s sake, the fact that the Bible is meaningless to anyone who isn’t a Christian or affiliated religion; care to explain where, exactly (or even approximately) it says anything at all about Capitalism in there? Because I’ve read that thing a couple times and I gotta say, I don’t recall any part where God gave two fingers about our economic system. As a Christian, I’m actually pretty offended that this kid’s just throwing the Bible out there.

“What I am saying is that Conservatives and Libertarians must rise and oppose the Obama Administration and the Liberal and Progressive politicians in Congress.”
That sounds a lot like some of the things Marx had to say. But yeah…that’s pretty much what they already do. There’s a reason why Obama and Friends haven’t accomplished half of what they wanted to by this point.

“The Socialist and Communist systems never work and it has been proven so.”
First thing’s first: there has never been a country that actually runs according to a Communist system – true Communism would require the abolition of the government. The few times we did see Communist systems were with the hippies we had here in the 60s. And as I recall, things didn’t go horribly for them. In fact, I seem to recall there being a whole lot of peace, love, and kindness in those places. As for the Socialist countries… Well, I’ll get to that in just a moment.

“They might fly well for a while but eventually they will have their downfall. Look at the Soviet Union, or Cuba, or China.”
Okay, let’s look at the Soviet Union, Cuba, and China. One VERY important thing you need to consider when looking at them, especially the Soviet Union, is: Who was in charge? Under Lenin, the Soviet Union soared to heights that were unimaginable at the time. Prior to Lenin, Russia was negligible on the world stage. Under Lenin, it became one of the most powerful countries in the world, easily as powerful as any of the others on the world stage and more powerful than most. After Lenin came Stalin (who was Stalin) Malenkov (who was useless) Khrushchev (who was insane), and a few others who were either to incompetent or too damn crazy to run a country. Castro falls in the same boat. Under an intelligent, competent leader, the Soviet Union prospered. Under lunatics and idiots, it failed. So was the collapse of the Soviet Union due to its economic system or to years and years of madmen making all the decisions? And that’s a question that ignores all of the external pressures placed on them.

China is a different can of worms. Socialism is nearly identical to the Confucian style of government that China has used since the Later Han (the year 23 A.D.), with a brief exception during the years of 1912-1949, after which point Mao took over and installed the current system, which is pretty much the same as the old system. And since I don’t think most people keep up on the state of affairs in China, I’ll let you all know a little secret: it’s really not that bad. Yeah, they’ve got a bunch of problems there ranging from poverty to human rights, but overall, people have a lot more than they used to. There’s hundreds of millions of new jobs there very year. China is growing economically in ways no one has ever seen before, and they look like they’re going to keep doing it. So I have to say, Socialism seems to work pretty well for them.

“This is where America is going.”
We’re going to Cuba? Sounds fun! I’ll pack my sun lotion.

Another deep breath, kids, we’re almost done, I promise.

When I say “oppose”, I am not talking about violent opposition but peaceful protest. The kind of thing that Guandi, or Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of. Hold to the truth, question with boldness, and let morals and God guide you to where you are meant to be and to who you are meant to be. There are two G’s that you can rely on, either God (or more specifically Jesus Christ) or the government. I will stick with God, He won’t ever fail you.

My brain is getting a little tired of treating this argument as though it’s legitimate, so I’m going to take a quick break from actually arguing to be sarcastic.

“When I say “oppose”, I am not talking about violent opposition but peaceful protest.”
You know, I’m really glad you clarified that, because from the other stuff I’ve been reading and from the people you apparently take orders from, I’m really surprised you haven’t shaved your head, branded a swastika into the back of your skull, and bought your weight in firearms.

“The kind of thing that Guandi, or Martin Luther King Jr. spoke of.”
This time, I think we’re going to pause for a spelling and grammar lesson. *exhales* For one thing, you never have a preposition without an object. It would be “The kind of thing of which Martin Luther King Jr. spoke” not what you have.

But the thing that really gets me here is: who in the name of Cthulhu is Guandi? From the context, I would assume you mean Gandhi, but…well… Yeah. I’ll let the fact that you clearly have no idea who or what you’re talking about speak for itself.

“Hold to the truth, question with boldness, and let morals and God guide you to where you are meant to be and to who you are meant to be.”
I’m going to boldly and truthfully question whether or not God wants me to stab this child in the face with a rusty knife, because I really feel like that’s where I’m meant to be just now.

“There are two G’s that you can rely on, either God (or more specifically Jesus Christ) or the government. I will stick with God, He won’t ever fail you.”
Well, that’s just not true. There is absolutely NO reason why you should choose one over the other. In fact, the Bible, for those of you who give weight to that, strictly says not to do that. Take a look at Matthew, Chapter 22, when people ask Jesus whether or not to pay their taxes. Basically, he tells them “Yeah, you better do that. Do what the government says, do what I say. Do both. Just do it.”

That’s all for now, but this is, surprisingly just part 1. It turns out that as I was writing this, this kid decided to say another long string of stupid things. After blocking Molly the Parrot so that she could give no response and pretend he won.

You know, up until now, I’ve been holding off from insults. But since we’re at the end of Part 1, I’m just going to let it out. This kid is easily one of the must unintelligent, uninformed, unthinking, mindless, thoughtless, brainless, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, bed-wetting, raw-meat-eating, illiterate, illogical, arrogant, self-righteous, thick-headed, dull-witted, mush-minded, soul-blisteringly, brain-blastingly, heart-crushingly, mind-bendingly, cock-shrinkingly STUPID people I have ever seen; and I’m on the Internet! People like this have NO business having opinions about anything. He’s just mindlessly parroting whatever he’s heard on the TV and radio, and the most outlandishly, absurdly insane stuff at that. If someone yells loud enough, he’ll listen to whatever they say. This child is indicative of the social decay that everyone keeps talking about. He is the perfect example of what the world’s becoming: a bunch of drones without independent thought or purpose who will just nod their heads and repeat after whoever speaks loudest to them. There is no ability to think here, no ability to reason or argue. There’s not even an ability to connect sentences or thoughts in a logical way. People like this need to be institutionalized or euthanized , for their own good as much as for that of everyone else.

Now remember, this is only Part 1. There’s more craziness to come, so stay tuned.

Also, for those of you who want to see this all in its original context, here’s a screenshot of the argument (censored to protect what little dignity those involved possess).

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